Holiday Blues

Can the magic of the holidays coexist with loneliness and unmet expectations? Join me as I navigate the bittersweet journey of the festive season and what has helped me find peace in a season that once brought sorrow. Lets talk about coping mechanisms that have turned my holiday blues into moments of contentment. Whether you're looking for solace in your own festive challenges or simply curious about personal growth during this time of year, I hope my reflections provide comfort and inspiration. Join the conversation as we uncover ways to find calm and contentment amid the holiday hustle.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hello everyone, it is officially the holiday season and as I'm recording this, it's actually Thanksgiving today, but by the time that I post this episode, Thanksgiving will have already passed, and so I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I hope you guys were able to get some great Black Friday deals and, yeah, we're in the holiday season officially. So here we go. The other day, actually earlier this week was so cute because Emma's dad was going to pick her up, and so I told her like your dad's picking you up Wednesday, and she literally started bawling, she literally started crying her eyes out. Her eyes were like super red and puffy. She was just hysterical. I felt so bad for her and I was like she's, I don't want to go, I don't want to go. And, of course, me, I'm like trying to figure out why and I'm asking her you know, just tell me why. What's going on? And she's just like I just don't want to go. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I was like, well, your dad wants to see you, you know, and he misses you. He wants to spend time with you and I'm going to be at work anyway, you know, Wednesday through Saturday, and she was just like super sad. But yeah, we're in the holidays, guys. That's one of the things. If you're a co-parent and you have to split time with your kids, it could be really, really hard because obviously you just want to keep them for the whole, you know, just every day forever. But I've always been super respectful of her relationship with her dad, so I never made it about me and so whenever he wants to see her I let him see her like no questions asked, I mean obviously, unless I have plans for that day or whatnot. But yeah, it's hard, it's hard guys. But yeah I'm feeling just very oddly relaxed and just at peace with the holiday season. I'm feeling just I wouldn't say happy, but just kind of like I'm feeling okay as compared to previous years.

Speaker 1: 2:32

And I kind of just wanted to talk about it a little bit because I feel like usually for the holidays I really have a hard time with the holidays because I don't have a relationship or communication with my family, and so when the holidays come around it's always a period of sadness, loneliness, it's always a period of grief, I feel, for me, because it's kind of like a reminder Like I don't have a relationship with my family, I don't have any family, things like that. So it was always really hard for me for the holidays and then, especially with Emma leaving, you know, part of the holidays to her dad's house, I would sit at home most of the time by myself just crying and just being sad and miserable and lonely. And I think for the first time this year I just don't feel sad seeing these things that I'm mentioning. I hope that someday you're able to get to a place to where you do feel good and content and just okay. But I figured I'd just share my experience and just a little bit about what helped kind of get me to this place. So I've mentioned in the previous episode I mean I'm obviously going through therapy right now, which I feel has been super helpful. Side note, I started doing EMDR therapy. I don't know really how to explain it much, but if you guys want to Google, you guys could Google what EMDR therapy is for trauma. So I feel like that's been helpful.

Speaker 1: 4:10

But then another thing that I remembered was and let me know if you've heard this saying before, but I remember this saying that says expectations lead to disappointments and I feel like that makes so much sense if you're someone that's struggling with the holidays, and that's not to say everyone has the same experience, but this was my experience and how it made sense for me, but this was my experience and how it made sense for me. No-transcript. And reality doesn't match those expectations. We often feel let down or disappointed. So we kind of get our hopes up about something or we think something should be a certain way, and when it doesn't happen, we feel bad, right, we feel disappointed, we feel sad, we feel let down. So the more that we expect, the greater disappointment when things don't go as planned. So this is how I feel, like I was kind of making, not making myself sad.

Speaker 1: 5:18

But you know, like the holidays were really hard for me because in general, I don't have a relationship with my family, I don't have a relationship with my mom. It was always something that I was trying to have because it's your mom, right, you want to have that relationship. So I was always like calling, you know, for the holidays. I always felt like I had to call because she's my mom and it's, you know, Thanksgiving or whatever, and so I have to call and, you know, wish her Happy Thanksgiving or whatnot, right? So I was always doing things that I felt I had to do just because she was my mom and I needed to do these things because she's my mom, Like that was the only reason. Right, you have to do these things. Right, you have to reach out to family, you have to, you know, say Happy Thanksgiving, or you have to make plans for Thanksgiving, you have to have a turkey or a turkey.

Speaker 1: 6:11

It's all of these expectations that we put on ourselves for the holidays on how things are supposed to be, what we should be doing, and if we're not doing those things, then we're doing something wrong or you know, we're not meeting those expectations, and so where we feel let down, disappointed, things like that. So just think about it in your own life and how this has kind of played out if you've had similar experiences. So that's what I feel like I was always doing is just putting unrealistic expectations on myself on how things should be. And then, particularly in the holidays, all of that was kind of amped up, because then I felt like I needed to do something for Thanksgiving. I felt like I needed to reach out to family, even though they weren't reaching out to me or they were being toxic or whatever. I felt like I had to, like I was expected to, I was expected to. And then, on the flip side of it, when I cut contact with my mom, I think I was placing those expectations onto her too, and I was expecting her to reach out to me. I was like I'm not going to contact her if she doesn't reach out to me. And holidays came, holidays passed and she never reached out, and so, yeah, that was like a little disappointing too, right.

Speaker 1: 7:32

I felt sad, I felt let down, and so then what did that lead to? That led to me, like I said, sitting in my house, in the living room by myself during the holidays, crying why? Because I felt disappointed, I felt like I should be doing something right again, I felt like I should be with family, and then, because I wasn't, I was sad. And then I started going, my mind started overthinking, right, Like oh my gosh, I have nobody, and I just kind of went down this rabbit hole, basically, and where I was just feeling really, really bad for myself. And so I feel what's changed this year? I mean this year, I feel like one of the biggest clarities that I've kind of figured out for myself with therapy is and just in general, I feel like something that's really stuck out to me is, you know, I was feeling lonely and I was like wanting to have a relationship with my family.

Speaker 1: 8:36

I always said I kept repeating it to myself like I wish I had this huge family right for the holidays, and you know. But why was I thinking that to myself? Because that was the expectations right, the expectations that we put on ourselves. And then we see, like, other people with their families, and then we feel like we should be doing the same or whatnot. So I was kind of like, oh man, I wish I had a family. I don't have any family. I'm so lonely, right, Like all of these negative things.

Speaker 1: 9:03

But then I realized obviously I have Emma, and every time I'm with Emma I feel happy and she's my daughter and I love her. And I started realizing I do have a family and that family for me is Emma. Like, even if it's just two people, if it was just me and her, that's still a family, no matter how small. And so I think I just something just kind of clicked for me to where I was, like you know what, Like this whole time I've been longing to have a family and I've been feeling like I don't and so lonely and sad and, you know, crying right for the holidays, but I do have a family and that family is Emma. So that was one of the biggest things that kind of clicked for me, and after that I was just like wow, like I just realized you don't have to do what other people are doing.

Speaker 1: 10:02

Number one and I know it may be hard for some people, just because of like social media and like traditions, right, and like we see people doing things on social media and then we're like, well, what am I doing? Or you know, we kind of compare ourselves when we see things on social media and not only that, but just family traditions, like family traditions that we've had from the past or whatever. And so now I'm kind of at the point where I'm like I don't have to do these things, Like I don't have to, you know, bake a turkey. I don't have to have all this food or whatnot. You know I don't have to have this big gathering, Like as long as I have Emma, obviously.

Speaker 1: 10:45

But I feel like you could create your own traditions. It doesn't have to be the things that other people are doing. You could create your own traditions and do things that make you happy. So if you don't have to cook a turkey, for example. You don't have to, you know, do some big thing for the holidays unless you want to, but if it makes you happy and like not because your other people are doing it or because you feel like you have to, type of thing. So I think that's the biggest thing for me. And so even today for Thanksgiving, I'm working and I feel good about it.

Speaker 1: 11:19

Like I slept in, it was like friggin noon when I woke up and I was just so comfortably laying in bed and I was like, wow, like there's literally so many people right now in their kitchens like just cooking, like these large meals and stressing over cooking these large meals and gatherings, and for the first time I just felt so lucky to just be able to not have to deal with that and just relax and do my own thing. So, anywho, set realistic expectations for yourself Because, remember, when our expectations are too high or not realistic or we begin comparing ourselves to other people's lives and families, the disappointment is going to increase. And managing those expectations. So creating your own, I guess, kind of traditions and allowing yourself, like I mentioned in the previous episode, to sit with your feelings, If you are feeling some type of way, let it out, express it. So, anywho, I just thought I'd share that, this revelation that I had this theme, this realization or whatever, and share with you guys, because I know the holidays are hard and I had the holiday blues, for things are in my life. I hope this, anything in this episode was helpful to you. Anything clicked, let me know what your thoughts are and if you are lonely for the holidays, just know that you can always reach out to me, because I'll probably be sitting at home by myself or I'll probably be at work and I feel like I'm just at a better place now. So if you need any kind of support, just let me know. Other than that, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and looking forward to the holidays coming up. And, yeah, I will talk to you next episode.

Speaker 1: 13:19

And, as always, don't forget to subscribe, like and share and check out the website mentalhealthishcom for past episodes, past mental health blogs, and I also have a YouTube channel now with a lot of fun videos. It's EpiSue. But yeah, thank you for listening. If you listened up to this point, I'm really trying to make this a more relaxed type of podcast Because, again, I feel like before I had the expectation, like I want to have a mental health podcast and I was having like professional guest speakers on to talk about things. And then I realized, like what? Like I don't really need to do that because I'm a professional number one too, like mental health professional. But aside from that, I'm the professional in my own life, so I don't need other people to come and tell me things about whatever I'm experiencing. I figured it's better to just kind of be low key and just share my experiences, just talk about it, talk about things in a more relaxed way. So I hope you guys like this format. So yeah, talk to you guys next episode. Thank you for listening.