Manipulative Bosses and Toxic Workplaces

Ever felt overwhelmed by a boss who seems to shower you with praise just to get what they want? Join me in this revealing episode of Mental Health-ish, where I share my personal run-in with "flattery bombing"—a manipulative tactic my supervisors used in a recent meeting. Listen as I also read a listener's heart-wrenching story about battling unfair treatment from a CEO and her husband, leading to both emotional and professional distress. These gripping narratives highlight the burdens placed on dedicated employees and expose the darker side of workplace dynamics.

Together, we'll explore the necessity of holding supervisors accountable and the profound impact toxic environments can have on your well-being.  Whether you're an employee facing a manipulative boss or a supervisor aiming to foster a healthier work culture, this episode offers essential insights and actionable advice to help you navigate challenging workplace scenarios.

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast laun
Have you ever wanted to start your own podcast? Start for FREE Buzzsprout using this link. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Dealing With Manipulative and Bad Bosses
• 10:16 Holding Supervisors Accountable in the Workplace

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Mental Health-ish. This is Suzy, your host, and today I wanted to talk about horrible bosses. Now, I wanted to talk about this because I had a recent experience with my own supervisor that I wanted to talk about. And it's not to bash I'm not going to be bashing on anyone or obviously dropping any names or things like that, but I just wanted to share my story because I feel like it would be helpful to others to listen to and then also want to see if anyone else has experienced anything kind of similar or anything like that. So if you work a nine to five or have any kind of supervisor, you're going to want to listen to this episode. And if you're your own boss and you don't have a supervisor maybe you're the supervisor or you're just a boss babe of some sort then maybe you could listen to this episode for entertainment purposes.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I don't know, but let's get to it. So have any of you ever been at a job where you have a supervisor right, company, whatever, I don't know and this is like obviously every company is different. So it's like, yeah, but this is just from my experience, but have you ever been at a job where the hardworking employees because you're so hard working and you actually get your job done you end up getting more work added to your plate because you're getting your job done, so you're seen as reliable, you're seen as someone that management can trust and so you're kind of seen as a good employee. But then you end up sort of getting punished for it. Meanwhile, maybe other people who slack off or don't follow you know company rules or whatever, just kind of seem to get away with things right and it's okay. But then, like when you kind of mess up a little bit, they kind of go after you. And I mean again, this could be because maybe they see you as reliable or they just kind of have like higher standards for you, which is like the standards that you've kind of set on yourself, I guess, by being hardworking and getting your work done.

Speaker 1: 2:41

But anywho, I recently had an incident which I'm not going to really go into detail about at work, and so I thought it was funny, because I was called into a meeting right with my supervisor and then his supervisor and during the meeting it was very like oddly it was weird because they were throwing like a lot of like compliments at me while at the same time throwing like I don't want to say discipline, because using that word makes me feel like I'm some kind of child, which I'm not. But you know, they were trying to like tell me what to do type of thing, while at the same time, like throwing a bunch of compliments at me and pretty much gassing me up and just telling me how good of a job I'm doing and you know what a great employee I am, things like that. And it was really weird because it was really like obvious that they were doing this and I started wondering is this some kind of like manipulation tactic that they're using here, you know, where they're trying to throw compliments at me to get me to comply to do something else? I don't know, is this a tactic that management uses? So, anyways, I looked it up and it actually is. It could be seen as a manipulation tactic. So there is such thing as love bombing or flattery right On behalf of like management or other people, and it doesn't just when we hear the word like love bombing or flattery, or flattery bombing, I think, is a better word, not love bombing. But there is such a tactic that I found and I was like I knew it, like it was just weird, like it was a weird interaction. But this is a manipulation tactic, I guess, or it could be, where it involves like overwhelming someone with like excessive praise, compliments, things like that, and that's done so that you could create an emotional response by the person that you're talking to. So it's a tactic used to gain influence and behavior. So by making the person that you're talking to feel valued, appreciated. So you're trying to build that rapport right and so throughout all of this like meeting, I guess, like it kind of made sense.

Speaker 1: 5:16

But anywho, I asked you guys, my listeners, if anyone had any like bad supervisor stories. You know that they wanted to share things like that, and I did have actually a few people reach out to share these stories, and so I wanted to share one of the stories that I got. I haven't read the story, I just received it because I wanted to read it live, like kind of as I'm recording right now, and just kind of react to it, and so, yeah, let's go ahead and read it, okay. So the listener said so I worked for a company a few years, a few years back. The wife owned it and was the CEO, and the husband worked there as well. Okay, they seem to really like me.

Speaker 1: 6:08

And after a year of working there they announced that the husband had cancer. Oh no, the company was open seven days a week. Due to the nature of the job, sundays were extra slow, but we were open. I worked Monday through Friday, 7 am to 2.30 pm. But due to the husband needing to go through chemo and surgeries and whatnot, they needed someone to cover Sundays for them for six weeks. So my schedule changed to Monday through Thursday, 7 to 2.30 and Sundays 6 to 1 pm. On week five I happened to get hurt at work and I went off of work for one year.

Speaker 1: 6:52

When I came back they gave me the second schedule, with still working Sundays what the heck? I told them that I wasn't. It wasn't my schedule to work Sundays and I wasn't available. They told me that they were under the impression that I agreed to permanently move to Sundays. Heck, no. That I agreed to permanently move to Sundays Heck, no. So they just kind of slid that in there and they hired somebody to take my weekly position times. I told them I couldn't do it and from that day on I was being harassed and bullied into working the days that they wanted me to, which was Sundays. I had nothing but positive reviews and feedback, and I have all my documents to prove it.

Speaker 1: 7:35

After I returned, they wrote me up for things that were ridiculous and they tried to micromanage me. They accidentally sent me an email that said if they didn't give me my days back, then eventually I would quit on my own because they didn't want to fire me so I couldn't collect on unemployment. Sneaky, wow. Not the accidental email, though. The email that was accidentally sent to me was supposed to be from the CEO to HR, was supposed to be from the CEO to HR, and we came to find out later that I don't know why. I'm laughing, because it's like ridiculous that the HR representative was the CEO's best friend and was doing illegal, shady stuff for her, with all the employees On top of it. She didn't like a specific employee for whatever reason. She would tell us me and my co-workers to not give them hours and say that there was nothing available, even if there was, in hopes that they would quit and go to another job again so she didn't have to pay them unemployment.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Wow, talk about shady, and I think like sometimes these like family owned businesses could be the worst Because they're the boss, like there's literally nobody keeping them on check or keeping them accountable, like they kind of just make the rules. But yeah, like that's completely messed up how you kind of agree to help them in that moment of need, right when the husband needed to go to chemotherapy and appointments, things like that for them to just turn it around and just kind of like slide you into that schedule that wasn't even your schedule to begin with. And not only that, but just like feel like they could push you out of the company by treating you badly and writing you up, and just like. That is literally insane. And I'm sure a lot of listeners can for sure maybe relate to this story, because there are some very shady bosses out there, I should say, and everyone's going to have a different experience, because obviously this is family-owned business and so every workplace is going to be different. I feel workplace is going to be different. I feel what types of things you could do to kind of keep them accountable for what they're doing and things like that. But yeah, like that's just that, yeah, that's just bullshit.

Speaker 1: 10:16

But yeah, all this to say is, whatever your situation is at your job, with people in management whatever, even with co-workers. Like it doesn't necessarily have to be management, where maybe you're having a disagreement. I mean, we all know there's bad supervisors. Like that's no surprise. Like you're not always going to get a supervisor that you love and that you're going to remember forever and you know. Blah, blah, blah. Like there's going to be times where you have a bad supervisor. And is that a normal part of life? Maybe, but how can we keep these crappy supervisors accountable? Is there things we could do? Or do we just suck it up and just be miserable while we're at work?

Speaker 1: 11:08

Right, and I don't think so, because that can have such a big impact on your mental health. When you're constantly like in a toxic work environment. There's only so much you could take and with time it can have an effect on your mental health, your well-being, your physical health. Right After we're dealing with stress for so long, we're going to be feeling sick, we're going to get headaches, stomach aches. Everyone's going to react differently.

Speaker 1: 11:42

But that's why I think it's important to just kind of talk about this. Because we spend so much time at work I mean, especially if you're a full-time employee somewhere I did the research and I found that we spend about 30 percent of our day at work. So can you imagine if this is like a toxic work environment, I mean like that kind of have an effect on your mental health, right, and also in the way that you feel about yourself Over time? It can have an effect like on your self esteem, your confidence and the way that you see yourself right and the way that maybe you'll start having doubts like am I even doing this correctly? Am I doing a good job? So how can we keep communication open? How can we keep these supervisors accountable? And so I personally believe it doesn't matter what your position is If you're doing something wrong, if you're not coming across in the correct way or dealing with things in the correct way, or if you're not doing a good job period, doesn't matter if it's a supervisor or not.

Speaker 1: 13:00

I feel like we need to start calling people out, we need to start holding people accountable. So, whether it is, I'm going to take it up with the next person, the next person higher up, you know above you things like that. And this isn't to say like I'm not going to go and like complain and like throw a fit, but I'm going to keep it professional but at the same time, call you out, right? Because I feel like a lot of times like when people get away with things for so long and they're not being held accountable for their actions or things that they're saying they're not going to change or they're not going to realize what they're doing or it's just kind of going to go unnoticed so I feel like it's important to hold people accountable and it's a two-way relationship. That's like your supervisor, you're the supervisee, and so, the same way that they're giving you feedback as an employee, I feel like we should also be giving feedback to them, right, as a supervisor that listens to this. But if it's something that you relate with and you could start thinking of a plan or you know it starts bringing up some thoughts on your own situation, then that's good, like that's what this episode is for. But, yeah, I think just learning to hold people accountable you know, calling into meetings yourself like you could call a meeting too, right or being assertive with your work supervisor is important for maintaining a healthy and productive working relationship.

Speaker 1: 14:56

So some of the tips that I found on how to be more assertive in the workplace are obviously, like you want to start with preparing and planning, so, before addressing any concerns with your supervisor, take some time to gather your thoughts and plan what you want to say. So think about the specific issue or concern that you want to address, but also think about possible solutions or suggestions to that concern. Another tip choose the right time and place. So timing is important. When discussing your concerns with your supervisor. You want to find a time when both of you both you and your supervisor are not rushed or distracted, request a private meeting or schedule a time to have that one-on-one conversation. So timing is going to be crucial.

Speaker 1: 15:47

If it's a concern that you really it's important to you you want to discuss. You don't want to just like approach them, you know, at the elevator and start talking about it, right, like you want to actually schedule a one-on-one meeting. And when you are having that one-on-one meeting, you want to make sure to use I statements. So you want to use I statements instead of blaming or accusing or using any type of language that's kind of like accusatory. So, for example, you could say I feel overwhelmed with my current workload, instead of saying something like well, you're giving me too much work, right. So you want to express yourself assertively but also in a positive way, where you're not starting an argument or just using that type of language. So using I statements allows you to express your feelings and concerns without putting your supervisor on the defensive.

Speaker 1: 16:46

Another thing you would want to do is be clear and specific. Clear and specific. So communicate your concerns or issues with your supervisor, but be specific about what's bothering you and provide examples if necessary. You and provide examples if necessary. So you want to be as specific as possible so that your supervisor is able to understand the situation better and then hopefully, with that clarity, you guys are able to find a resolution to the issue. And, like I mentioned earlier, you also want to try to have some possible solutions to the issue. So instead of just pointing out the problems, right, you want to try to come up with some possible solutions, some suggestions at least, to show that you're willing to contribute right to finding a solution and just kind of being proactive right towards problem solving things like that.

Speaker 1: 17:40

A big one, for sure is you want to stay calm and composed, so try to stay calm during the conversation. So, even if your supervisor becomes defensive or dismissive, remember to take a few deep breaths, maintain a steady tone of voice and avoid becoming confrontational, because the overall goal of this conversation is for it to be constructive, right. We don't want it to turn into an argument and then there's no resolution. It's not really productive If you're both just sitting there arguing and accusing each other of things, right. So with that comes listening, so listening to your supervisor's response, allowing them the time to talk to right, listening, not interrupting, okay, and just kind of being open and so that you can make sure that you're understanding what they're saying at the same time, that hopefully they're listening to you and you know vice versa, like not interrupting.

Speaker 1: 18:47

And then another thing that I've found is important is whenever you have a big meeting like that, or any meeting of importance or something was discussed, right, with your supervisor or just anyone, I think, I think it's a good practice to follow up with something in writing. So after your conversation, right, perhaps like sending an email or just something in writing where you summarize the main points that you discussed and any actions that you guys agreed on, like during the meeting, things like that. So this kind of just to make sure that you guys are both or all on the same page after the meeting. And then it's also there, I feel, to help with accountability, because how many times have you had a meeting or something, or someone has said that they're going to do something and then they don't do it or they're like, oh, I forgot, right. And so I think having it in writing after the meeting or after you talk about your concerns with that person is important, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure.

Speaker 1: 19:58

And again, this is going to be different with every job. So I work for a government agency, so there is steps to things. There is like someone above the supervisor and someone above them, like everyone has a super. So like the way that obviously I would handle this situation, and like there's protections, you know in my job, where you can't get fired for things like that. So obviously each person's situation is going to be different. Like I don't want you to go and, you know, hold someone accountable and then be let go, or something you know.

Speaker 1: 20:36

But this is just something, a discussion, just. You know. I wanted to share my experience and just my thoughts on that, because there is just too many stories that we hear of situations. So let me know what you think, let me know if you have a horrible boss story, horrible supervisor story story, horrible supervisor story. You can always email me or just DM me on Instagram. Make sure to share this episode, tell me what your thoughts are and tell me if you relate to the listener story that I shared as well, and don't forget to visit the Mental Healthish website for more resources, blogs and to listen to all the previous podcast episodes and I will talk to you guys soon, thank you. Thank you for listening.