The Pressure & Anxiety of Parenting

Navigating the first week of school can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. The transition back to school can be challenging for both parents and children, especially in terms of adjusting to a stable routine. There has been an increase in crisis calls involving kids and teenagers during the back-to-school period, highlighting the importance of supporting children during this transition. Parenting comes with a lot of pressure and anxiety, but finding a balance between involvement and allowing your child to navigate their own challenges is crucial.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Challenges of Transitioning to School
• 16:35 Self-Care Tips During Back-to-School Season

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Mental Health-ish podcast. It is your host, susie. So we did it. We made it through the first week of school, and if your kids have still yet to go back to school, good luck to you. But I'm just so glad that Emma is finally back in school and we're kind of getting back into a more stable routine, because during summer break it was kind of like a free for all. I mean, she was going to sleep at two in the morning, midnight we were up playing games, like it was just wild. And so I'm really glad to finally have her back in school and just kind of get a more stable routine going. Because even during the summer I see private therapy clients and it was just hard to fit clients in into the week with Emma being home, and so I was scheduling like every two weeks and just so far apart, and so now I feel like we're finally getting into the groove of things.

Speaker 1: 1:16

But I don't know, it's just been like a really busy week. So last week was Emma's first full week back at school and it was a tough one. I'm not going to lie. As some of you guys may know, I work nights at my full-time job, and so I start work at 3 pm well, 3, 30 pm and I'm not off until like almost 2 in the morning, and so that was really hard for me. Just that transition back into waking up early and getting Emma ready for school, dropping her off so I think that's been like the biggest. One of the biggest challenges for me with Emma going back to school is just, on the days that I do work, just getting home trying to fall asleep right away, which is hard, and then waking up just three to four hours later to get her ready for school. So we'll see how things go, how things continue.

Speaker 1: 2:21

But this whole going back to school thing, really it was a busy week, and not only that, but even at work. I work as a crisis intervention I guess social worker you could say and the amount of calls that we have been getting for crisis involving like kids and teenagers has been crazy. Like we've literally been so busy with calls involving kids, calls involving kids. So I'm not sure if it's just like kids are having a hard time transitioning back into school and like changes in routine, things like that, but that's just like. Something that I noticed is that we are getting a lot of calls for that. So, yeah, if you're going through this transition period too, I would highly suggest to just talk to your kids about it and just kind of see right how you can make this transition easier for them.

Speaker 1: 3:24

But anywho, we did back to school night we met Emma's teacher and for back to school night and for back to school night she had us, you know, look over. It was kind of like an overview of the upcoming school year. So they started talking about all of the different things that Emma will be learning this year. You know side words, reading, math, you know all that stuff. And I couldn't help but feel like some sort of PTSD, just based off Emma's experience at school from last year I don't think I've talked about this on the podcast before, but ever since like Emma started school, even like, I think, tk and she just started second grade, by the way ever since like Emma started TK, like it's been difficult, not like over the top difficult, but she's she's had some challenges.

Speaker 1: 4:33

I will say say that, and I knew, you know right off the bat that she was going to have challenges, because Emma's always been a little delayed in milestones compared to her peers, like even as a little you know kid, a little baby. She started be. She started, I feel, walking like a little later. She started like talking a little later, things like that. She was doing speech for a while, potty training, like all the typical milestones like for kids, and so, even like before she started TK, I knew that she was going to need like some support, like some additional support, some help.

Speaker 1: 5:18

I felt like I had to let the teacher know and kind of give her a heads up like hey, you know she might need a little more help or you know whatever. And I don't know if that's just my anxiety as a mom and I don't know if any of you can relate to that If you have kids but I don't know if that was just my anxiety with Emma having to start school. But that's the way that I felt and so I remember initially I requested an IEP, which I mean, I'm not an IEP expert so I don't know exactly how to explain it but it's basically like, I guess, a plan that you can request from the school where you sit down, like with the principal and like psychologists, I guess, special education coordinator, like it's a team meeting, and you basically like express your concerns, you talk about like what you think that your kid needs like help with you know, stuff like that. And so they come up with some sort of plan. They do testing. Sometimes they refer you, you know they'll figure out what the kit needs.

Speaker 1: 6:38

And so I remember I requested that for Emma at the start of, because I kind of had that feeling like she was going to need, right like that, additional support or whatnot. And silly me like, obviously, like Emma's my only child, so I'm kind of learning things as I go, and yeah, so I requested this thing and I had a meeting and basically they told me you know, she's just starting TK, so just you just kind of have to wait it out and see. They're like just wait and see how she does. You know she's in tk, like, um, she has to adjust, you know things like that. So I was like, okay, I guess. Um, I was like that sounds, I guess, reasonable. I don't know, I don't know how these things work, so I don't know, maybe she does need to adjust, I don't know. So I remember that was that and nothing happened.

Speaker 1: 7:38

And then, yeah, like Emma had a hard time. I'll just say that she's done a lot of improvement up to this point where, thankfully, she's no longer hitting kids. She's, you know, not making like huge messes in the classroom, which was like a big issue for her last year no, in kindergarten, to the point that her teacher wanted her to get tested and there was some concerns. You know things like that and that's like as a parent, like the last thing that you want to hear, right for your child, is that she's having a hard time at school. She needs to be tested to see how she could be helped. You know things like that.

Speaker 1: 8:28

So I went through that whole IEP process again last school year for first grade and it was just horrible, like literally horrible. You know they did testing, things like that, and I don't know they thought that because I was requesting, you know, this meeting that I was looking for her to go to special education classes, I don't know, but I kind of feel like the psychologist and mind you, like I work in the mental health field Like I don't know, I kind of felt like she tested her into like special education classes, completely just ignoring everything else, because maybe she thought like that's what I wanted for her. I don't know, it was like this big thing and it's kind of. It was like a really frustrating like period for me in my life, like a few months ago, towards the end of the school year, because I feel like Emma has I don't want to say ADHD, but I feel like she has maybe ADD to, where she gets distracted very easily. She gets up like she fidgets, like she's just touching everything, like that type of thing.

Speaker 1: 9:45

But they were just completely disregarding that and so they hadn't recommended for her to go to special education classes, which I thought was completely like just inappropriate, a hundred percent. And like I didn't want to be difficult. I have nothing against like obviously, special education classes and people like you know I think that's a great resource, but for Emma I didn't think it was appropriate and I remember going into these classrooms and because I did classroom visits I did classroom visits like at a couple different schools because I wanted to just see and I wanted to make the best educated decision, you know, and I just right away knew like no, like I don't think Emma belongs here, you know, I think she needs just additional support, like a tutor or maybe some accommodations where she could like go get up, you know, and she needs like a breather, things like that, and so I felt at the time just very like pushed into a corner. I guess you could say to where the school was, like no, like you either accept the special education classes or there's nothing we could do. Like we don't have accommodations here. You know things like that which, up to this day, I'm like that's, I just don't believe that. I just think that's BS. Like how can you not provide a basic accommodation, right, like for ADHD or something like that? And so, needless to say, like I know I'm all over the place, but man, like that was so difficult to go through and if you've ever gone through that process, you know like it's just so hard. Like even just talking about it right now, like it's just yeah, it's Because, and then especially like if you've never been through that experience before, like it was just horrible.

Speaker 1: 11:51

I felt like pushed into a corner to make this decision for her, and then I was like overthinking and like beating myself up because I wanted to make sure that I was making like the right decision, you know, for her. And I was like just it was stressful, I'll say that Like I was literally up at night just thinking about it. You know, on top of just life right, like other things going on in life. And so ultimately, I decided to decline the special education classes and so she just ended up going to summer school and she's just going to continue like in her regular school and regular classes. And so, yeah, going back to the back to school that we're currently in, like it's just been like PTSD, because now I'm like, oh my gosh, like here we are, another school year, like I want her to do well, I want her to, you know, learn her words, I want her to do good in math, like I just want her to do well and which I know that she had a hard time last year. But now I'm kind of just like feeling I don't want to say guilty, but just, you know, I don't know. Like it's just like this amount of pressure as a parent that you put on yourself, you know, like if she doesn't do well, it's like your fault, you know, because you're not doing enough, or, in my situation, because I didn't accept the special education classes, I don't know, even though I don't think she needed them, but it's still like just this added pressure.

Speaker 1: 13:42

And so, like this past week for back to school has just been like it was just hard, like I was just. I was sitting in that back to school meeting like taking notes and like writing things down that she needed to, you know, practice and like I, you know, made copies of all the cause. She gave us like a list of words like this is week one, week two, you know, whatever. So I'm just like uh, like overly anxious about it and like making sure that she's practicing you know x, y and z, but then also like trying to balance things off with obviously I don't want her to burn out, so like only doing it, you know, these days, and it's just been crazy.

Speaker 1: 14:26

So, yes, yes, having kids, school-aged kids. I'll say that is yeah, it's just a different level unlocked in parenting. So let me know if you guys have had any of those experiences. But yeah, it just made me like back to school week, just made me think of all of that, all of those things from last year, and like this overly, like this anxiety and like pressure for me to help her and for her to do well, and you know, trying to help her like make friends, things like that, like it's just a lot, it's a lot.

Speaker 1: 15:09

And so parenting is hard, it's not easy, and yeah, and then also, with that, made me think about like, wow, like my mom had it easy with me, like growing up, like growing up by. She never went to any of my parent conferences. She never went to any of my parent conferences. She never went to any back to school. Like she didn't go to anything, like she was completely uninvolved, didn't know what I was learning in school and I somehow managed to be like in gifted classes and just doing so well and I'm just like what was the missing? I don't know like what's, like what's the missing link? Right, but yeah, it just made me think of that, like, wow, she had it so easy and at the same time, like she was so uninvolved, like what happened? And now I'm over here maybe like overthinking and just like over worrying and being trying to be too involved. I, I don't know, but I'm sure there, yeah, there has to be a balance, there has to be a violence. I know, I know, but anywho, I wanted to share that experience with you all.

Speaker 1: 16:21

Let me know how your back to school went or is going, if you have kiddos going back to school this week, or even if maybe you had experiences in the past with back to school.

Speaker 1: 16:35

How did it go for you? What happened? And, yeah, remember to take care of yourself and schedule breaks in between all of your responsibilities, even if it's a five-minute break, to just sit down and just take a few deep breaths and just be completely present in the moment, because I know it can be so easy to just overwhelm ourselves with all of the responsibilities that we have as a parent. You know, if you're working, whatever it is, if you're a business owner like there's just always so many things happening and if you don't take these breaks, like you will burn out at some point, like there's only so much you could do. So remember to take your much needed breaks, and especially during back-school season, because it is craziness, absolute craziness, and not to mention all the back-to-school shopping like that's just a whole different story, a whole different story. So, anyways, thanks for listening and I hope to hear your experiences. Remember to like, subscribe and share this podcast with a friend and I will talk to you guys next time. Thank you.